Ditch These 2 Relationship Myths for Greater Self Love and Attractiveness
Have you ever stared at a couple kissing on the street and thought to yourself, “Awww, they look so adorable”? Maybe you just love love, and can appreciate it wherever you see it!
Or maybe, you see this couple, and because you’re bitter from your last failed relationship, you say to yourself, “Yeah, yeah, yeah…I give you guys 3 months and then the love will be gone!”
The truth is, it’s easy to get cynical about love and romance when you’re single.
If another Valentine’s Day has come and gone and you’re still single, you’re not alone. And you’re probably used to the of the uncomfortable questions and comments that you face as a single woman from people who mean well…
Your aunt and uncle ask you at Christmas, “Where’s is your happily ever after?”
Your married friends say to you, “You’ll find Mr. Right when you’re not looking, when you least expect it!”
And then you fall into believing all kinds of relationship myths that actually stifle your own self love, as well as your chance of finding your dream partner.
So if you just spent another Valentine’s Day single, let’s take a look at some of the most common relationship myths that are easy to get wrapped up in. Because if you can identify these beliefs as myths, you can actually change your thought patterns in order to attract the type of love you desire and deserve.
RELATIONSHIP MYTH #1 – The Happily Ever After Myth
This might come as a shock, but… “Happily Ever After” doesn’t exist. It’s a made up idea that when you find a partner you’ll just be happy for the rest of your days.
And here’s why: because your happiness simply doesn’t depend on you being in a relationship. Relationships are great, but they also come with their own stressors, sacrifice, and work. Think back to the last relationship you were in. Do you remember having to make compromises? Do you remember having to work harder to carve out time for yourself?
Even the best, strongest, most exemplary relationships are challenging. It’s easy to put our own interests on the back burner when we’re in a relationship. For example, maybe you didn’t take an art class you really wanted to take, or finish a book you were reading, because you wanted to spend more time with your boyfriend.
And even the best relationships come with arguing. Again, think back: I’ll bet you can remember a time that a former partner really disappointed you or hurt your feelings.
This isn’t to say that romantic relationships are bad! It’s absolutely okay to want a romantic relationship. But because they require a lot of hard work, it’s not worth being in the wrong one.
And it’s critical to know that being in a relationship won’t actually make you any happier than you already are right now. That’s right. Because we have to find happiness within ourselves no matter what. Single or coupled, we are only ever as happy as we are internally.
And remember that it’s also okay to feel lonely sometimes. In fact, even people in relationships get lonely. Alone time is critical to our wellbeing, so take this time to focus on yourself‒giving yourself the love, attention, and care you deserve‒and you’ll evolve in ways you never dreamed possible.
RELATIONSHIP MYTH #2 – You aren’t pretty enough or good enough yet
Now I mentioned in my last point that you should take time for yourself and focus on whatever you want for your greater happiness. But it’s so important not to waste this time obsessing about other women you see on social media or about Hollywood standards and how you compare to them.
If you’re happiness and self worth depends on the outside world, then it will remain fragile.
If you’re telling yourself that you have to make yourself prettier, skinnier, richer, or cooler before you can find love, then you are lying to yourself. Point blank.
If you believe you have to possess the same material things that your girlfriends, or have a certain type of butt or lips or hair, or be covered in designer brands from head to toe in order to find a romantic partner…then you’re feeding yourself bullshit. It’s as simple as that.
Do you know what is cool? What is deeply attractive? Being bold, being confident, being wild and fierce and intelligent and independent. Accepting yourself and loving yourself is the most attractive thing you can do.
Being your own authentic self‒every day of the year, Valentine’s Day or otherwise‒is the essential foundation for finding that perfect union. When you “do you,” and accept that happiness comes from within, and that you’re perfect as you, you set the stage for attracting the greatest love.
The Recipe for Lasting Love
So to recap: first, you want to dispel the idea that being in a relationship will make you happier, and start focusing on your own inner happiness right now.
Second: know that you are a worthy, amazing, beautiful woman just as you are today. You don’t have to change arbitrary things about yourself in order to be deserving of love. It’s a toxic desire to try to be perfect all the time. It’s hard in this culture to really own yourself and to feel whole, so instead of trying to be perfect, try to be whole.
These are my go-to suggestions for successfully navigating singlehood. So to all my single ladies out there, happy post-Valentine’s Day weekend! Love to you all.
And do you want to see the love of your life? Just look in the mirror.